I’m Still Standing

Every match is a lesson.

As I said before, one of the biggest lessons I learned from getting in the ring with Cole Cassidy, heel extraordinaire, was to always leave something in reserve. Don’t use all your energy and all your best moves because one that’s gone you are fucking done.

So, yeah, I got to put Cole through some of my best holds and moves.

But he had something in reserve–and all it took was a low blow (or two) to flip the switch on a match which I thought I had won and in the bag.

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Filed under being a nice guy and fighting fair in the ring is fucking stupid.

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And let’s face it, when your balls hurt, there’s not much else you can fucking do–another valuable lesson from the master.

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Yeah, this isn’t going to end well.

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Told ya. And this was just the fucking start, bitches.

Final, and most important lesson: the match ain’t over unless your opponent is out cold.

The first step on my path to becoming a heel myself was finished.

I Get Around

So, not only was I finally able to get into the ring–I also tossed Cole back in by his trunks.

Turnabout is fair play, after all.

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Heels can also get over-confident, particularly when the match has, frankly, been pretty fucking easy for them so far. Cole gave me an opening and I took it.

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And once I was in the ring, I was determined to not only get my own back, but to give him the ultimate humiliation of losing to someone he didn’t see as a credible threat.

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His gorgeous, perfectly defined abs made for an oh-so-inviting target, too.

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He didn’t seem to like me standing on them and flexing.

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As I listened to his groans as I put him through the wringer, I began to believe, you know? Believe that I could beat him, believe that I could be a BGEast star, believe that I, a rookie in my first match for the company, could take down one of their biggest and nastiest heels–something no one else had done so far.

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I also was learning that I liked being in control, punishing my opponent, and even humiliating him a bit.

I also learned about over-confidence.

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TO BE CONTINUED

Touch My Body

It took me a while–and a lot of pain–to finally make it into the ring with Cole Cassidy.

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He kept ambushing me–and beating on me–and not letting me get into the ring. I could get up to the ring apron, but once there–yeah.

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Did I mention he kept taunting me, too? Yeah, there I was, crumpled on the mat outside the ring, my back and abs aching, trying to catch my breath…and then over it all I can hear him sneering at me.

Sneering.

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Yeah, I took a lot of shit from him.

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But you see–there’s another lesson I learned early in pro wrestling: never go to the well too many times. Cole kept coming back out of the ring and after me…enjoying himself, obviously–and finally his overconfidence (and to be fair, who wouldn’t be overconfident at this point? It’s not like I’d even landed a fucking blow) was his undoing.

I got a great punch into his abs and doubled him over.

And it was time for some goddamned payback.

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to be continued

Body Rock

No, not intimidating in the least.

 

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The set up for the match was basically this: Cage, new wrestler in the BGEast Arena stable, wants to wrestle, and has challenged, Cole Cassidy, one of the nastiest heels ever to climb through the ropes for the BGEast cameras.

This is what the write-up on the website has to say:

Cage Thunder is one well-traveled wrestler. He’s faced some of the toughest men all over the world, but is always ready for more challenge. Of course, plenty of his hard-earned experience has come at the cost of some harsh punishment, but the masked star has never backed down from a challenge yet. Still, someone might want to offer Cage a little friendly advice before he bites of more than he can chew, if he hasn’t already. When Cage let slip he’d be willing to take on dom heel and destroyer of men Cole Cassidy, more than a few ears perked up, and at least one devious mind set the wheels of fate in motion.

When word reached Cole he had a potential challenger (victim) in the making, he just had one question: “Where is he hiding?” Cut to Cage Thunder’s daily gym workout at one of the rings he frequents: sans mask, pumping iron with thoughts of taking Cole Cassidy to the mats on his mind? When none other than Cole himself barges in, Cage is caught off guard to say the least. His hopes that the alpha male doesn’t recognize him, and just there for a workout, quickly dim as Cole’s attitude makes it clear he’s not here for a pump. The beast is a specimen of physical perfection as he slowly strips his street clothes away, down to a simple pair of briefs, revealing his marvelously muscled physique, every curve and ridge of muscular definition standing out in stark contrast, as though to impress anyone in the gym able to catch a glimpse.

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When Cage tries continue his routine, Cole humors him, sliding into a weight machine himself and working up a sweat as he pumps up his already impressive pecs, watching an increasingly nervous Cage from across the gym. When Cassidy has finally had enough of the game and gets in Cage’s face, the soon-to-be victim tries to rise to the challenge, only to have Cole bury his fist wrist-deep in Cage’s abs. Thunder finds himself slammed to the wall, gasping for breath before Cole’s fingers clench ’round his throat and force him upright. A few more fists and knees to the gut with Cage pinned to the wall and Cole finally lets him slump down, choking and panting. “I thought you wanted to wrestle Cole Cassidy?” He mocks his already downed and exposed challenger.

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And yes, for an aspiring pro wrestler, there’s nothing quite so humiliating as getting your ass kicked completely before you even get in the ring.

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Choked, stomped, slammed, punched and beaten before I even got in the ring!

And it was beginning to look like I was never going to even get in Cole’s ring….

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to be continued….

Ole King Cole

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When I first started doing pro wrestling, I was told, “look at every match as a learning experience.  The only way to get better is to learn.”

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So, what did I learn from wrestling Cole Cassidy?

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I learned that he knew a variety of ways to bend my body into insanely twisted shapes, for one.

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I also learned that an expert heel always has a reserve left in the tank–no matter what you’ve done to them, no matter how much pain you’ve put them in, no matter if you’ve wrung some submissions out of them–you pretty much have to knock them out to claim the win, because they’ll always, like Jason or Michael Meyers, rise from the dead even more energized than before.

They feed off being punished.

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And despite what you might read on the website’s write-up of this match, I wasn’t a complete practicing dummy for Mr. Cassidy. I got some licks in.

TO BE CONTINUED

Small Packages

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So, before I get back to talking about my match with Cole Cassidy, let’s spend some time appreciating him, shall we?

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Despite the way his charisma and personality make him seem larger than life on camera–and in pictures–he’s shorter than I am: 5’8 and weighs 166 pounds. Despite the small stature, let me assure you in all my years as a fan, I never noticed his size.

He always loomed large to me.

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Maybe it’s the viciousness? Or did giving up size to his opponents turn him vicious? Some mysteries will never be solved.

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I am sure no small part of his presence has to do with the extraordinary vascularity of his impressive musculature. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone before (outside of bodybuilding competitions) with such exceptional size and defined so perfectly. Look at the veins roadmapping his quads, his lower abs, arms and shoulders.

Fuck me.

I would literally have to work out every day and exist solely on protein shakes for a year to get that cut and vascular.

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The sunglasses are a nice touch, and even when he smiles…you never completely relax…

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Plus, he does the evil cowboy look perfectly, and that’s a button for me.

He often surrenders size to his opponents–Mitch Colby, Powergunz, Alexi Adamov and Drew Russell all come to mind, out of the scores of people he’s beaten the shit out of for BGEast–but the advantage you’d think this would give his opponents is negligible.

He can cut an opponent down to size pretty fucking fast.

As I said, before I met and got into the ring with him, he was kind of an idol of mine. He still is–I still enjoy watching him cut some arrogant muscleboy off at the knees and making them whimper and plead for mercy–and after wrestling him, I admired him even more.

TO BE CONTINUED

Both Sides Now

So, what I think is my last match ever taped for BGEast is now out there for purchase, streaming or however you watch your BGEast videos.

And yes, it’s my second appearance in the Jobberpaloozer series, and I am wrestling this guy:

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Yup, none other than Cole Cassidy.

Christ, look at that body. I mean….look at it.

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In an interesting aside, the last match of mine to be released was actually the first one I ever taped.

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Not in my best shape I was ever in for the cameras–I’d been on a grueling book/speaking tour that started in January of that year and didn’t end until BEA in New York in June–but I was doing my best to hit the gym when I was at home and trying to eat right, but trying to eat healthy when you’re on the road isn’t always easy.

But I was very excited to shoot a match for BGEast, and I was even more excited to be scheduled to wrestle one of my idols, Cole Cassidy. I blogged about him sometime recently; but I became a fan when I first saw him in the ring against Tarzan Tyler Reese. So, when the Boss asked me who I wanted to get into the ring with, Cole was at the top of my list.

Dreams can come true.

But this could also be filed under be careful what you wish for…

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Intimidating, no?

I could be wrong, but I think I may be the only wrestler who’s appeared in the Jobberpaloozer series as both heel and jobber.

Which is saying something–what that might be I am not quite sure, honestly.

TO BE CONTINUED